Retirees

Lisa Thé #18

As she strolled across the 8 lanes of the Astoria Park track playing the tamborine, our decision was unanimous. She had legs as long and narrow as the Verrazano and a smile that would bring over all the Cubans; we had to ask her to be on the Till. As it turned out, she was looking for the guy in the chicken suit whom she "met on the Internet." Let down, we said we only had a gorilla suit. Sure enough, that was fine by her. And that was the day Lisa joined the team. The day she left, we started crying.

Ned Swann #15

Ned has 20/15 vision, which puts him in the running for Vice-President of the US. He is very tall, stays up very late and has the remnants of a bear mauling on his back. Interestingly, a few nights a year, Ned turns into a bear. Another truth about him is that he is a side-sleeper who sometimes will switch to back or stomach! He's heard you are supposed to use pillows of varying firmness for the different sides and guesses that's why the Sleep-Number Bed TM was such a nebulous idea.

Megan Swann #22

After God made Moldova, some humpback whales breaching off the coast of Maine distracted him/her and so God shoved Moldova just east of relevant Europe and forgot about it for thousands of years. Once it started to smell, not a soul would penetrate its borders and it was left barren and without outside influence. Not long after that, and coincidently not long ago, Megan was wandering about Europe, wondering what it would be like to be barren, when she found herself smack in the middle of Moldova. Its people ran to her, clung to her; she was new, bright and she smelled great. "I will fix this," she said. "Bring you up to speed." And with that she birthed hundreds of discs and flung them into the air. As they played this Ultimate game, the people of Moldova found their faith replaced with commerce, their luck replaced with knowledge and their vodka with beer. Before Megan could leave she had to endure hours of praise and gifts. But when she turned to go, she waved. A new Moldova waved back. Megan smiled and God smiled.

Lewis Thorwaldson

Lewis was introduced to the Till while repaying a life debt to Scott. He is thought to be a displaced member of the Mojave Indian community. But actually, Lewis is the only surviving member of the Mojave Experiment. He was sent to southern California to locate a community without preconceived bias toward computer operating systems. His search was fruitless until he headed down the Colorado River and found what seemed to be an authentic indigenous people's camp. The occupants he met, however, all used Macs. But they were heading out on a long journey and they promised Lewis he could find what he was looking for farther within the desert. He went along and only barely made it. Due to the harshness of the desert and his extended removal from civilization, Lewis has no idea that the Experiment is over and that he is unemployed.

Matt Grubler #56

Grubler is the psychological equivalent of thinking. Working in subtle intricacies, he is who you might imagine tucking you in at night just before you realize that no one tucks you in anymore. At once thrifty and charitable, Grubler is hardly even there. He doesn't even known where there is as he's always been somewhere else. What you should really ask yourself, when face to face with this handsome devil, is: "am I willing to blink...and miss it?"

Aaron Hacker #4

A lot of times, you don't see Aaron at all. For two very basic reasons: He doesn't show up to many parties, tournaments, practices, etc. Also because his facial "hair" is made of any substance he can think of. Christmas trees, running shoes, swear words, the same t-shirt every time, once even the neighborhoods of Brooklyn were growing out of his face! It's a masterful disguise.

Johnny Lam #2

Johnny lends his 15 years of experience and expertise to the Till, shouting plays from the field and injury sidelines alike. However, what we really value is the wisdom he is able to impart due to his 300 years as a Shaolin Monk deep within a glacier. He is a master among legends, a teammate in the wind. Though we try hard, we often crash. He is the rock against which we break.

Bill Norris

A regular cosmopolitan, Bill has traveled and spent much time up and down the northeast coast of the US. While searching for work in the adult film industry, Bill got himself a banjo, washboard, lyre, master's degree and a scar in his heart that cuts him deep put there by Laney Chen. He can count to ten but hates children and plans to live on an ultimate field in Canada with his bare hands.

www.billnorrisfacts.com

Richard Previdi

After getting his face slammed in a door at a young age by his sister, Richard spent much of his time on a bicycle. On the bike he began computing investment portfolios and crunching numbers with his razor sharp teeth. Soon enough the world of finance had met its match. Wall Street is actually a Transformer named Richard. When not biking, Richard can be found reading "Johnathan Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach, playing a left-handed guitar or flying over mountains.

Matt Kushner

We first met Kushner on the set of a movie he had written, was directing, starring in and for which he was doing the animation. He was on a ladder when we called up to him and said, "Hey, we can see up your dress, put that thing away!" At this point the real Kushner emerged from his dressing room wearing a top hat and tall orange socks. "I see you've met my stunt double," he said and then roared with laughter. Of course, he was being facetious. He needed no stunt double. Then he took us to his trailer and using only his right hand wove an entire basket out of neckties from the 1980s. Impressed as all hell we said, "What do you do with that hand?" obviously referring to his left. "You'll see," he replied.

Laney Chen

Laney is the Clark Kent type. She's a real hang on the box groupie wannabe. Rambling has gotten her places, like NYC, especially considering she can walk through walls. But it has also caused some scars, namely the one on her right shin from North Carolina crab grass and of course the Bill Norris inflicted scar in her heart that cuts her deep. Frequently, she gets goosebumps thinking about being the Iron Chef of the world, but what she really does is to be determined. It will, however, have two handles and a whole lotta bite.

Rebecca Kirchheimer
While power-washing the straw roof on Bolivian President Evo Morales’s adobe house, Rebecca slipped, fell and tore her ACL, quickly halting her 6 year ultimate career. Incidentally, on the way down she wore an expression of such mixed emotion that she was immediately reinstated as the Till's reigning champion of the Face game. Despite her injury, this swift-footed chocolate-eater won’t be held down. Playing her democracy-loving tenor saxophone with boundless empathy, she champions NGOs and hits all the low notes. Rebecca however, is one of our high notes and when she returns, ya’ll best get out the way.

Silan Yip #1

Ever since the small pox shot, which left a scar on her right arm, Silan, the Pain Tree, has been unable to feel exhaustion or pain. She played a few years of ultimate in Hong Kong before returning to the States. There, while laying out for everything, she learned if anything, she would be a gypsy but has soporific musical talents on the piano and grass blades.

Andrew Weiner #34

We put in a call to Wisconsin and Andrew picked up.
"Grey Till here, we need a new cutter, kinda tallish." We said.
"I play a little bit of piano, slide whistle and sing." Andrew said.
"How many years have you played?" We asked.
"None--wait, is x-ray vision a super power?" He said.
"You're right," we said. "This question is sucky." Andrew made a happy face and wondered how many years were in an eternity.

Arrak Bhattacharyya #91

Arrak was hardly ever not new to the team. And he's so very mysterious. Thus, despite our best efforts, we still know very little about him.

Ed Rossier #x4

Ed hit his head on the cabinet over the coffee maker at work yesterday. But this was only after waking up on a broken mirror under a ladder while black cats ran circles around him. The man has a besieging imbroglio with superstition. Every scar, injury, bad day and heartache he's had can be attributed to indoor umbrellas, cursed numbers, spilled salt or visible unmarried brides, respectively. As a result, Ed eats an apple every Christmas Eve, he says "rabbit, rabbit" at the beginning of every month and never tells anyone his birthday wishes. Despite it all, he finds time to ride his moped, speak fabelhaft German and contribute to his local paper's Op-ed section about the political correctness of crayon colors and the fact that everyone poops.

Jan Fuhse #0

Jan is oft on our team.
Position: Quarterback
Years played: 11
Occupation: Sociologist
College: Freie Universität Berlin
Originally from: Mostly Germany
Country: I’m not really into Country
Geographic feature: Tummy
Desired occupation: Intellectual
Laced with: The till
Favorite: Yes, I am

Keith Coleman

Keith's whereabouts are entirely unknown. The last anyone heard of him was that he killed 63 people, 10 horses and a flamingo with a robot he made that flew up into the air and, armed with an Ak-47, "shot stuff." Keith went into hiding and has not been seen save the few times he signed on to Instant Messenger and chatted about driving motorcycles thousands of miles an hour. We keep a candle burning.