The moment I died, was the moment I began to live. A reincarnation or maybe perhaps a metamorphosis of some kind. I still wonder how this rebirth came about, yet I have come to realize that it was a destined manifestation. My reincarnation occurred in February of 2012. There was no funeral although there were many tears shed and feelings of sudden sorrow and hurt. There was no celebration of life anew either unfortunately, but I already figured that there wouldn’t have been one. That day, for the first time ever, my spirit had joined in holy matrimony with my evolving physicality. It was similar to the emergence of a butterfly from a cocoon. I was now completely one; mind, body, and soul. I became a special girl, much different from other girls.
Living day to day in a world, a place, a society became uneasy for me being that I belonged to a certain species of women, transgender women. Although self-content, I felt like an alien in the world around me. Like a mutant from the X-men series, I was special, but I was ashamed of myself. Even though I felt complete, I had trouble accepting myself as a special girl. I was living with fear in a close-minded world. I was a witch during the Salem Witch Trials; a Jew during the Holocaust. I was a strange yet special girl; strange in the sense that I was not the same as most girls, and special because I had a special physicality which was slowly evolving. I belonged to a class of special women, yet the world saw us in a different light. Most people don’t understand my kind due to the prejudices media and society have forced upon them. Among those people were my parents. My mom distanced herself from me for three months; my father, well, he was in Trinidad at the time, and he didn’t care to acknowledge me at all. Who am I? What am I? Why am I? I often feel that I’ve been banished to a cold and lonely world where I am all by myself. In the real world I am a penny on the ground, someone who has little to no worth. In the streets, I am spit at like a peasant or like the ground itself. I am publicly degraded like a worthless inhuman object. People call me “a man,” “a nigga,” “a tranny,” “a transvestite,” etc. Most of the time people can’t tell that I am a woman of transgender experience, unless they find me attractive and try to see through to my soul.
I have come to learn my place in society as an individual belonging to a species of cursed women. Women who desire to belong and matter and live normal lives. Women who wish to blend into humankind. To pass. Although many of us do indeed pass, myself included (for the most part), passing has its own complications. Passing is like being in the closet. I often find myself trying to hide my trans identity in order to eliminate being the center of negative attention and to protect myself physically and emotionally. I am afraid to leave home if my hair or makeup isn’t up to par or if I am wearing clothes that accentuate the wrong parts of my body.
I have often felt cursed; never to find true love, or have a family like my sisters. Never able to find stable employment or fit comfortably into society. Passing may defer these things for some time, but the problems never seem to go away. And because of this I am forever internally oppressed. Love and family does exist for some, however, it is rare indeed unless these things are established pre-transition. Although my species of women include straight, bisexual, and lesbian women, I feel attraction towards men only. They are my weakness. I have a misconception of love. I fall in love very quickly because I never had unconditional love. Men charm me with their words easily and steal my heart under false pretenses. They use me physically and abuse me emotionally. In the daytime they ridicule me, and by nightfall they hypnotize me like an incubus and inhabit my flesh. We are often over sexualized and thought to trick men into sleeping with us, but the truth is we search for unconditional love in private and in public alike. We share our secrets with them before laying with them, or else it would be like committing suicide. They pretend to be disgusted with us in public, but in private we become their mistresses, sort of like an inter-racial relationship in the Jim Crow south. I often fall prey to their incubus-like nature. They are demons in disguise with a purpose to annihilate women by preying on their emotionality, something I would never want to be. Internally, I’m just like any other girl. Our spirits unite into a sisterly bond. Yet, my existence is dual by nature, but seen as unnatural in the eyes of the ignorant.
I learned that no one understands me as much as I understand myself, and therefore I choose to walk alone. Apart from family, apart from friends, apart from the world. I live with my spirit now, and I’ve come to accept the lack of love and consideration I receive from mankind. I am learning to control my emotions and to shield myself from emotional harm. I’ve learned that even though I am different, I am me. Every individual has their differences, a certain uniqueness that complements who they are as people. Some are forced to hide and feel shame of their differences; others embrace their differences gladly. Ultimately society dictates one’s place in the world. Or does it? Either way, I am beginning to feel that I am not cursed after all. I am, rather, divine; godlike to possess a dual nature. Living as a boy for 21 years with the mind of a girl for 23 years has given me the complete power of yin and yang. Although I am a different, yet special girl, I can proudly say that I have had both worlds in the palm of my hands.
Your piece was very powerful and emotionally driven, captivating me as the reader. I thought your first paragraph set a scene that led me to think your essay was possibly about you joining a sorority or getting married but I was pleasantly surprised to read what followed. I thought you did well with taking your personal story which is a very sensitive topic and making it into a creative and beautiful piece of work. I enjoyed that your piece wasn’t lengthy but revealed so much. I felt like the author’s purpose was to share something very personal and therefore I wished that you revealed more about the relationship between you and your parents because I felt like you only hinted at it. I would’ve liked to know what is the love you long for because its important to you and so you might one to include why. I really like the contrasts of day and night and yin and yang. Intriguing piece.
I like the idea of yin and yang; I felt that you could have expanded on and used this analogy more. Nice introduction. It was a great hook and made me want to keep reading. I liked your insightful lines like “Passing is like being in the closet.” You could made your story longer by doing more showing, and giving us scenes to help us empatize with you; we want to be able to feel the same emotions as you when your parents first distanced themselves, or when you went through those situations that made you feel as if you were cursed. However, it is sort of confusing where you wrote in the last paragraph that you are beginning to feel like you were not cursed at all. Maybe it would be better if you expand on how this changed, since you had dedicated the entire paragraph beforehand about feeling cursed. Otherwise, good self-awareness. Keep working on it!
Good story. I liked the emotion that bursts with the flow of it. Great ending.
Yeah I concur with the yin and yang reference; its a perfect metaphor for the dual upbringing a transgender person goes through. Their identity/mentality/gender is one sex; their physiology is another. The metaphor is compact and gets a lot of mileage.
I found the story very moving even with you using exposition and telling not showing- but Vanessa’s idea of showing not telling; particularly the conversations you had with your parents or any specific moments you felt threatened by intolerant people, would be powerful moments in the narrative.
I found your section about how men are hurtful to you in public but embrace you in private to be very interesting. If you could get more specific on this front too, it’ll make your piece even better
“There was no funeral although there were many tears shed and feelings of sudden sorrow and hurt” that line reminded me of the story A rose for Emily, when the whole town comes to her funeral. Although in your piece there was no funeral, there were still a lot of people. I like the references to Yin and Yang. What is the love you’re striving for? And why? The reader senses that your piece is full of emotions.
This piece is profoundly introspective and gives the reader a glimpse into discrimination and alienation that isn’t naturally thought of when thinking about discrimination. Being Transgender is a complicated feeling itself but you reveal the complicated life that one has to endure . The intro is so appropriately written. At first I thought you were talking about being an alien or someone with superpowers that is a natural outcast in the ” normal” world (a fictional story spun into a non-fictional class because no one can prove or disprove the difference; I thought that choice was gutsy but the reveal of you bring transgender was even gutsier).
The part about your family was placed beautifully because you mentioned it before the reveal. It made the reader feel emotionally about your situation before they could judge you or create an understanding for your parents through your sexual orientation.
When you talk about being shunned at home and in public brought out your alienation but the part that resonated with me was the part about not being able to hold a job. You don’t give specifics but the public and family ridicule illustrates scenarios where you would feel alienated and hurtful because of the actions/comments of patrons and colleagues.
This is a very heart felt and makes the reader uncomfortable ( at least this reader). I am instantly reminded of 12 years a slave ( because i just saw it) because this isn’t suppose to be a feel good story or a lesson to the reader but at its basic it forces the reader to think about the struggle that you endure and ultimately makes them aware that even in today’s age we are a long way from acceptance . Accepting people for who they are and who they want to be . Heating a story ( your story) about someone that isn’t accepted in every aspect of there life is heartbreakingly uncomfortable and it should be. It makes the reader think beyond their opinions and beliefs and tugs at the strings of the human heart and opens up their consciousness for active compassion.
This piece was so captivating I’m so many different ways. You do an excellent job at engaging the reader through the first paragraph, where it sets up as if something tragic has happened. Although it is indeed tragic that society has a misconception of the transgender community, you did an excellent job at spinning the topic and making it an enlightening and hopeful piece. You pretty much give is the good, bad, and the ugly. I don’t mean to be cliche because your piece is the furthest from that, but stylistically, you fleshed out the negative and ended on a positive note, and as the reader it makes the piece very refreshing. I appreciate the raw emotion portrayed in this piece with the confession of your family’s feelings towards your sexual preference as well as your own emotions of the situation. This is an interesting piece because as much as it is a memoir, I can also pick up parts that make is a criticism on societal stereotypes and men. Overall your piece was excellent. The one this I wish you would expand a little bit more on is to perhaps give some dialogue between you and opposing family members so the reader could get a vivid image at how the relationships have been severed because of this situation. Otherwise, great piece.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think you do a great job describing how the character feels as a transgender by using metaphors. “The moment I died, was the moment I began to live. A reincarnation or maybe perhaps a metamorphosis of some kind. I still wonder how this rebirth came about, yet I have come to realize that it was a destined manifestation.” This metaphor got my attention and I really liked the fact that you used it as your hook. As I mentioned in class, I felt like your piece talked a lot about exclusion and the metaphors you used in your piece does a good job signaling that. A few improvements I would have liked to see in your piece is that you could talk a little bit more about the characters post relationship with their ex-friends and parents, also how much it has changed and perhaps mention a occasion where the parents cut that bond. I think that would help the reader understand a little bit more of the feelings the character is undergoing. I think it also can be improved by adding why the character decided to become transgender at that particular time, what was holding the character back from doing it earlier than February 2012?
This piece was done exceptionally well. The intro paragraph is quite captivating in that there are so many different ways the piece could potentially follow.
Surprisingly, there was no need for you to include specific examples on when you felt isolated because your metaphors and similes did it quite well. I specifically liked your simile in relation to witches in Salem. They were persecuted for being different which is the overall theme of your piece.
My only confusion is in the second to last paragraph. Your pronoun usage switches quite a bit which almost makes me believe your audience (in that paragraph only) is geared to women. “We share our secrets with them before laying with them, or else it would be like committing suicide.” Is this paragraph generalizing the actions of how women deal with love? If so, I think its very strong and should be emphasized, if not, the constant altering between pronouns becomes confusing.
Other than that, great piece.
This piece is beautiful. You use some damn powerful metaphors like the interratial couple in the Jim Crow south, and the jew in the holocaust. I could never fully relate to your experience; I have my own issues that force me to have to pass as normal on some level but I don’t feel like my experience is anywhere near as powerful as yours. I’m glad you’re finding yourself and you see yourself the way you do. You are brave, because you are and you have to be. I’m perpetually confused by the duality of the existence of transgenders. They are the gender in soul but they are not the sex, but I have always been male, and unless someone kidnaps me and pulls a “The Skin I Live In” on me I’ll die that way too. I suppose in that way, I can relate. You have always been female, but your body is different, and in that way I can’t relate. It is considerably more complex, I dare say infinitely more complex, to be in your shoes and I commend you on your ability to express what it’s like.
I enjoyed reading your piece because it demonstrated strong motivation of not being accepted. By reading you piece I was able to connect the same treatment as the Jews and witches. Those people had to hide their true identity because they were afraid of being reprimanded. Which is something that our society suffers of. There are many people that will judge people by their height, race, color, gender, religion, and sexuality. People judge others because their experience has help them create a negative connotation of those things. The voice of the character portrayed these feelings effectively. I would like to know more about your experience of what made you change. If you add to your piece the reader will understand more. Good job!
After reading this piece, I appreciated how the narrator revealed the ending of the piece in the beginning. For example, the introduction explains how the main character overcame her struggle, which produced a catharsis experience. Then, in the body paragraph, the narrator disclosed the fastidious details of her struggle. And finally, the piece picks up from the introduction, which was a well-executed literary frame. The voice of the narrator was tense throughout the piece because it seemed as if they were uncomfortable about revealing this information to the reader. For instance, the line, “Passing may defer these things for some time, but the problems never seem to go away.” Here we can see how this idea of “passing” makes the reader anxious because this statement is followed by the line that shows how the narrator feels internally oppressed.
I would suggest that the narrator expand upon the line that talks about being called, “a nigga” because it would add another identify crisis for the main character, which would keep the reader more involved in the piece. I would also suggest that the speaker show a scene where the main character is being judged because of being a transgender. I would also like to see some additional information about the main character’s parents and her interaction with them since she is, I assume, still living with them.
Powerful piece. “Transexuality” or transgender impulses/urges are embedded deep in the research stacks of neuroscience. We have some concrete information and material regarding its origins, but we have just begun to scratch the surface. For now Devinity will be Devinity and should live her life how she wants to live it. Living dual-lives or “gender asunder” must be immensely difficult and you have my dearest props to go on with all your spirit and courage. The author wrote this from the bottom of her heart. She wants the audience to know how brave she is and now we do.
he didnt…
he did.
great piece.
ok first let me say this. although your very descriptive here there are some darlings you definitely need to kill.
you go with the whole scheme of juxtaposition to compare a same feeling
this gets old and redundant after a while and i know it probably reads as very poetic but its gets old after the second time.
“The moment I died, was the moment I began to live” – this
also the comparisons you make can be somewhat controversial and offensive to some. although this may be true but when you make strong claims as this, if the reader doesn’t agree with you, you lose ur audience in one sentence.
you have to tread lightly in strong comments such as the holocaust one for example.
I would like to know more about how the writer feels. I would like to know more about how her parents feel. I would like to know who the writer relates to. I would like examples of other transgender women. I would like to know how her friends feel about her.
This world is all messed up from different areas of the spectrum. Some people understand your situation, some people don’t care, and then there’re some who just blatantly want to hurt your feelings. I can side with you in separating yourself from most people, but solidarity isn’t good for the soul. You need people to help and love you through life. I would say fuck everyone who doesn’t care about you and focus on those who do. On top of it all, do what makes you happy. In terms of your writing, I would have liked it if you explained a little more on your family and the effect the situation had on them. Good job!
Very strong figurative introduction. I understood the X-men reference, especially with the Bryan Singer trilogy from a few years ago. He is a gay man and he reflected his battles with the film, about how people that are not the same as the majority and want to assimilate with others. In this case we are talking about homosexuality and being a mutant. I wouldn’t say that you could compare it to the salem witch trials or the holocaust. MAYBE in a figurative sense, but definitely not literally. Your acceptance of who you are at the end was a very nice and heart-felt closing.
The beginning subtly offers a lot to the reader about an important transition in the author’s life, “the moment I died, was the moment I began to live.” While it may seem cliché, I believe that circumstances like these are where the fundamental meaning of these clichéd lines have the most meaning. There are many specific lines in the piece that convey my sentiments perfectly, with one of them being “I learned that no one understands me as much as I understand myself, and therefore I choose to walk alone.” Sometimes we think we can do everything by ourselves and that’s generally comes when we feel like we can’t trust others, which the author clearly doesn’t considering the abuse previously described done by even her family. “Like a mutant from the X-men series, I was special, but I was ashamed of myself” is a powerful line as it describes us all during very insecure phases in our lives. “Who am I? What am I? Why am I?” also gives the reader the sense of vulnerability from the writer. Overall this was a very touching piece that did a great job in conveying the longing to belong that many, if not everyone, can relate to.
Your poetic nature really worked for this piece. You use the metaphor:
I was a witch during the Salem Witch Trials; a Jew during the Holocaust
Which was truly beautiful, and even when you list the oppressive names you’ve been called – they all work to describe your oppressed position in society.
The line:
And because of this I am forever internally oppressed.
This line is beautiful. It describes your emotional state.
The whole piece describes an emotional journey, where at the end you reach a beautiful conclusion. You realize that instead of being an oppressed being, you must praise your existence. I loved this conclusion. This is a piece that everyone can relate to because in some way or another – we all feel uncomfortable in our own skin. Keep writing – you definitely have talent! 🙂
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