Slut. Whore. Man stealer. Scumbag. No-Self-Esteem-Having-Bitch (I made that one up myself because it seemed like something she would say.) These are just a few of the lovely names I’ve been stoned with because for once I did something that made me happy. Do I regret it? Never, and it’s not because I’m naïve enough to think that I’m going to live happily ever after; Nothing is guaranteed in life besides death. It’s because there is nothing worse than living in fear of the future based on the decisions you make in the present. Sure, there are those cynics who claim “There’s no such thing as love.” But there’s no point in discussing how hypocritical and jaded society has become, this story isn’t about that. It’s about what happens when two people fall in love. This could also be the story of how a so called “best friend” became an opportunist and leached off of me and my family for months. I’d rather not, there’s no point of verbally ripping her a new one, she does a good enough job at making a fool out of herself all her own.
“How could you do this to me Gaby? You know everything he’s done to me, how he’s treated me, what a piece of shit he is. You were supposed to be my friend.”
She took a trip to Colombia with her son and asked me to keep an “eye” on him, her boyfriend/baby daddy, or more so keep him company for she believed he would be miserable without her considering he had no friends. Ironically, he had friends, more than she did actually and would have been just fine without my supervision, but we enjoyed each other’s company and I didn’t mind taking on the task of babysitter. Besides, it didn’t hurt that we got along great and he was actually much more fun to hang out with than she had been at the time. Who is she you’re probably asking yourself? Melanie, my “best friend” at the time, now just a figment of my imagination.
We were inseparable; literally we lived together. As far as she was concerned things were just fine. We were still the same “una y mugre” (Translation: White on rice. Well, not the exact translation but it’s the same expression.) friends we had been for almost four years. We knew everything about each other; the good bad and the ugly as the cliché goes and our friendship was in fact at one point genuine. Unfortunately things were taking a turn for the worse towards the end. We were growing apart, not only as friends but as individuals in general. The saddest part was, I think I was the only one who knew. She was too self-obsessed to realize that things weren’t like before anymore. The same person who I’d do anything for was now becoming someone I had grown to detest. I was annoyed at the person she had become, a superficial hypocrite that turned into the very same thing she once swore she would never become.
(Oh god look at me, I’m bashing her after promising you this was exactly what I was NOT going to do. Forgive me, my subconscious takes over me and my fingers uncontrollably start typing all of my repressed feelings. I promise to keep myself in
check so as to not steer my story in the wrong direction.)
So here we were, my friend Franco that I had known since Junior High School, under the watchful eye of yours truly while his girlfriend/baby mama/ my “best friend” was off in Colombia getting lipo–Literally this was the purpose of the trip I’m not even trying to be funny. Add in the fact that we had great chemistry, plus it was the beginning of summer; It was a recipe for disaster. But the good kind of disaster. The kind that makes you feel alive because it just feels so right. The type that gives you butterflies in your stomach whenever you see each other. The type that causes you to feel like nothing else matters besides that present moment in time when you’re together. The kind where you find the most minimal excuse to see each other. The type that leads you to do crazy things. Maybe too crazy. But then again, is it crazy to fall in love with your best friend’s boyfriend? I wouldn’t call it crazy. Perhaps inconsiderate, selfish, fucked up, or just plain wrong. But not crazy. What would’ve been crazy was if we had done nothing about how we were feeling towards each other. And that’s exactly what we did. We did something crazy, kept quiet about the obvious attraction we had for each other.
“I can’t believe I trusted you. You stabbed me in the back after everything we’ve been through. How could you be so stupid? Did you forget everything he’s done to me and now you’re fucking him?
Their relationship was stale, for a long time. The amount of disrespect between the two of them stretched far beyond mending the relationship. Then again they had a child, and who wouldn’t do their very best to at least give it a try? “For the baby”, sad but it’s the only thing that gave him any incentive to stay together. That and memories. Memories of what once was, which was in fact beautiful but at the same time unobtainable anymore. She hated him. Made it clear every single time the topic came up which was ALL the time. It was a “Let’s roast Franco” conversation anytime he’s name would be brought up. Her motives for being with him were disingenuous but at the same time smart I guess; money, security, comfort, revenge. She was with him for every other reason besides love. There was no love between them, on the contrary there was disdain and it was something quite uncomfortable to be around. You know that tension in the room when two people can’t stand each other and you just so happen to awkwardly find yourself trapped in the middle? Yeah, that was my position in the whole mess. Both of them would tell me how much they hated each other, and every time I thought to myself, “Why are they still together?” They were already cheating on each other, why not just end it and move on with life. Then again making a decision as such take a certain level of maturity which at the time neither of them were up for.
It was late Saturday night, a night that will forever be engrained in my memory, for it was a turning point in my life. Fast forward Melanie’s arrival from Colombia, us having a falling out and ending our friendship(I’ll spare you the details because it’s irrelevant to my story and I know you’re smart enough to conclude that it was her fault), her moving out of my apartment, her breaking up with her baby’s daddy, and finally her moving in with her co-worker. All this in the course of just a couple of weeks, and the whole while me and Franco were still hanging out, even after her arrival and hence the end of my babysitting duties. He was no longer with Melanie and I was no longer her friend; it’s as if the stars were aligned in our favor.
Cheesy I know but believe me if you’re ever lucky enough to fall in love, you know what I’m talking about. We mustered up the courage to finally admit to each other why these butterflies were in our stomachs when we saw each other, not because we had bad sushi for dinner, but because we were falling in love with each other and we knew that this was a terrible thing. Terrible because of what people would say, what our parents would think, our friends, our neighbors, society in general. But then again, why was that important. If you live your life worried about what others are going to say about you, well then you might as well be their servants.
We decide to follow our hearts and be together, fully conscience that it was not going to be easy. She did the whole nine; verbally slaughtered me through the phone, threated to inflict physical pain towards me, harassed me through email and text. You name anything malicious you could think of to hurt a person, she’s done it. Because that’s the type of person she is. The type that feels satisfaction out of making everyone else miserable all while claiming to be the victim. But like I said, this isn’t about her and how terrible of a person she is, it’s about a love story that to many may seem fucked up, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The beginning of the piece demonstrates that the writer is mentally strong especially having been stoned with all those words. I like the idea that death is hereditary, “Nothing is guaranteed in life besides death. The writer seems to have hatred towards Melanie. Melanie and her boyfriend don’t seem to like each other, yet they are only staying together in their relationship because of a child. The writer gives the reader of the idea of fate. I would like you to explain why there was no love between them? I mean the couple had a child, why would someone have a baby with someone they don’t love? Also if the man did have money, security, comfort, revenge why weren’t they married? The writer makes it just for Gab and Melanie’s boyfriend to have a relationship because it is a type of defense mechanism. I am glad to see that the writer and her boyfriend was mature and confident enough to let everybody know that she was Franco’s boyfriend. I would like to know more about Gabs and Franco’s relationship after the harassment. Is the love still there? Did it fade away?
The story chases after its own tail. It keeps talking about the narrator’s relationship with “best friend” and how it went awry. The numerous informal interjections that break the fourth wall disrupt the read. The story chases after its own tail because it never depicts the aftermath of the narrator’s “best friend” finding out the relationship but rather just keeps bashing the former friend and how sour their friendship had become. The author wrote this to get something out of her system or for vengeance, I don’t know. She expects the audience to think that she is proud, but never delves into what occurred between her and her besty’s significant other afterwards.
Objectively speaking, the narrator did something morally wrong; hook up with her best friend’s boy friend/ baby daddy while said friend was in another country. Sorry, did not mean to impose a whole morality scale on this piece, just stating that if this was a work of fiction or a tv show, movie or something of that nature, the narrator would be seen as selfish and the boyfriend as treacherous. True story. But this is real life. I like how you delve into real talk. They say “all is fair in love and war.” And certainly, who we love and when we fall in love with them is not a voluntary reaction. We just get these romantic feelings and often can’t even rationalize and explain why, but we love someone. George Washington called it an “involuntary passion.” I like your version of events. I like the voice of the piece. It is very subjective. I read it and can’t figure out what Melanie did that was so bad- we often focus on only the bad elements of someone’s personality when we are angry at them- and you are clearly very angry at your former best friend, so this piece feels very genuine even if I question how much of a reliable (impartial) source the narrator is.
I would say that this essay combined with another essay written by Melanie and a third essay written by Franco would be amazing! It would be a he said, she said, she said!
Overall good read, and yeah, I get it that we can’t choose who we love so ahhh have at it Gab… just don’t go making more babies! lolz
This story discusses a dark relationship that resulted in a beautiful one. As the reader I wanted to know more about Franco. It would’ve liked to know how he dealt with the severed relationship between you and your ex best friend and how you two were able to come out with a stronger bond. At one point, a part of this essay seems like the author is a bit naïve to what the dynamic was between Melanie and Franco and plays it down. After all, the two do share a child together. I would’ve liked to have some insight on that summer you spent with Franco and who initiated a relationship on a more serious level. I wanted to know more about Melanie. When did you notice she had changed? Your subject was intriguing and relatable and I would’ve enjoyed more information, but it’s understandable how you to disclose but only so much with a subject like this that can be misinterpreted or misunderstood. You’re really clear and organized with your writing. Good job.
Reading the Title Not your typical love story?, made me think of what the piece was going to be about. The title really hooked me because i wanted to know how this piece would turn out.
I believe that you chose a really good topic to write about because we all know someone who has done this to their so called “best friend”.
I like how you translated “Una y Mugre”, although I’m spanish I had no idea what it meant and you tried to let us the reader know by not giving the actual translation but something that is close to it.
How was Melanie’s and Franco relationship? Why didn’t it work out between them?
Where you jealous of your best friend? I would have liked to see you describe how Melanie began to change, Why did you end up hooking up with Franco? Was this crush better than loosing your friendship?
“It’s about what happens when two people fall in love.” I think this was a bit misleading since it didn’t feel like the focus of the story was about the love affair. I think this was because it was intermixed with too much about the history between Melanie and Franco. I didn’t get enough of the last line to agree with it; maybe you could have added more scenes with Franco and the narrator to share some part of the turning point with the reader. Give more details about how the narrator knew she was falling in love.
Also, where you begin the paragraph with “We were inseparable,” it got confusing. I figured it out eventually, but you should still make it clearer who the “we” consists of.
Not sure how I feel about the one parenthetical remark. I think this added to a more casual voice for the narrator, and it served to lighten the story, but you could possibly find another way to do this other than creating a side remark; make it more a part of the main narration. The voice really helped to create a more lighthearted feeling to a situation the narrator knew was going to be “terrible” but it really helped me as a reader feel more sympathetic and likely to side with her because of the way it was presented.
I like your use of the word stoned, to describe the insults that you received. It’s a little bit confusing in the beginning, it might just be me but there are so many side comments being made that I had to reread the third paragraph a couple of times to straighten out everything in my head. I think that, for instance, the fact that you knew Franco in junior high school, and the fact that you introduce him as your friend (as well as it being the first time you mention his name) is confusing at first. You may want to go through this and take out some, possibly, not totally relevant facts. I can’t say that I agree with what you did but it does make for an interesting piece. The way that you show no remorse makes it hard for the reader to sympathize with you (I don’t know if that was on purpose or not). Are you guys still together? The ending left a few questions, but they don’t need to be answered to enjoy this piece. Good first draft.
I really enjoyed this piece and its slightly skewed titling. I’m not sure if you intended to refer to the movie but nevertheless, it works.
It is indeed ironic in that a lot of the times, this situation is what happens everyday. The best friend falling in love with the other best friend’s boyfriend. -Somewhat similar to baggage claim- Your constant stream of consciousness strengthens the piece and almost amplifies your credibility as a writer. It shows emotional attachment which is what the theme of this piece flourishes on.
As a reader, I feel a little left dangled. The leach part in the begin..? Maybe expansion? Also, are you guys still together? Do tell. Thus, the cliffhangers haunt me…
Great story.
The first initial curse words of this piece brings the reader in. Solid attention grabber. I like the narration because you are almost an unreliable narrator but you speak to the reader directly to explain your actions and to reaffirm that you are the person in the right, even tough you are in the wrong.
You take a long time to get into the relationship with Franco and when you do it’s barely explored. I would like more commentary on Franco to give him more depth and more insight into your perspective.
Interesting piece. All types of love and attraction exists in the world. People have their own opinions of the different types. Some people are compatible with one another and some are not. As an outsider looking into the situation, people are not going to fully understand the connection/dynamic that the two of you have developed. I would like to see some scenes with the two of you when your former friend is in Columbia. Good insight, but include even more. readers want more about this guy and your connection. More insight would make the piece stronger. good job!
As the piece began I was shocked that the writer illustrated the main character as a succubus-like female preying on her best friends boyfriend. However, I understood that it was an intentional technique to connect the reader to the piece because it allowed the reader to feel better about themselves because they weren’t in any of the characters situation. The voice of the speaker was humorous, for example, in the third paragraph the writer talks about how her best friend wanted her to keep “an eye” on Franco.
I would suggest that the narrator not use the disclaimer in paragraph because if it takes away the intensity of the story. I would like to hear Franco in a dialogue with the main character, since he is also a participant in the betrayal. Why would you not want the male character take some of the blame for the betrayal? I was dismayed by the line “Cheesy I know…” because it was a bit too cliché. The “love story” wasn’t the main theme of the story, so I would suggest that the speaker include a tragic ending where Melanie and the speaker’s relationship ended, since the story is mostly about their relationship.
I do not think the paper should start with bad words. I would like to know more about what her boyfriend feels. I would like to know more about what her ex-friend feels. I do not think that three quotes makes a sentence. I do not like all the asides.
I found this piece pretty entertaining, it somehow reminded me of an episode of “Days of Our Lives”. All though I don’t agree with the whole stealing your friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend thing, I think you did a fine job at setting a convincing voice in this piece. The tone of the voice convinced me that Melanie was a terrible person and that she didn’t deserve Franco, therefore the narrator did. However I wasn’t fully convinced that the narrator was the angel in this story either. I think you can improve this piece by convincing the audience that the narrator is the good girlfriend, perhaps include some information about why the narrator would be a better girlfriend. What makes the narrator much better than Melanie? As well as why did the narrator fall for Franco? What was it about Franco that the narrator felt head over heels for? Not much is said about him as far his personality and if in fact he was the victim in the relationship with Melanie.
Love is hard. Like many good things in this life, it comes at a price. I feel that your piece exemplifies this, and what’s great, at the end of it all the narrator is not sure it will work out. Hopeful, of course. I would be too. This piece is very relate-able by virtue of subject alone, but your introduction is powerful enough to bring me in. I remember once when I had separated a woman I was dating once from her group of friends, because I had just slept with another girl I was dating before, and that girl happened to be friends with the one I was dating. I was honest; I told them from start what I was about and things still worked out this way. I was upset by it; because I felt like the girl I was dating wasn’t treated fairly at all, nor was I. Reality will always triumph what should be.
Enough about me though, this is about your piece. I love when you talked about the tension in the room. There’s something about this piece that really hits home, and the choice that the narrator makes at the end of it, to live with and accept responsibililty for her decisions, is beautiful.
Not your typical love story
I enjoyed your story, especially the idea of unexpected love. The phrase that grasped my attention was, “Slut. Whore. Man stealer. Scumbag. No-Self-Esteem-Having-Bitch (I made that one up myself because it seemed like something she would say.)”
The voice of the narrator seems to demonstrate that she is still angry of her old best friend. With the pause you make in the story. Such as, “(Oh god look at me, I’m bashing her after promising you this was exactly what I was NOT going to do. Forgive me, my subconscious takes over me and my fingers uncontrollably start typing all of my repressed feelings. I promise to keep myself in check so as to not steer my story in the wrong direction.)” I enjoy this part of pause in your piece. This works in the piece, I highly recommend you too use this in your piece it demonstrate that the narrator values the reader and wants the reader to grasp a particular idea from the piece.
Something that I would like you to add in your piece is more information of how it happens? How did the love happen? You explain that in a brief paragraph, but I would like to know more of the narrator and Franco. Call me a sucker for love, but I am a romantic. I enjoy the details in a love piece. I would like to know more details. That way I can imagine everything in my head. I wanna say “awwww” when you guys realized. Was it a moment that you noticed? That he noticed? This will make your piece stronger.
‘We decide to follow our hearts and be together, fully conscience that it was not going to be easy. She did the whole nine; verbally slaughtered me through the phone, threated to inflict physical pain towards me, harassed me through email and text. You name anything malicious you could think of to hurt a person, she’s done it. Because that’s the type of person she is. The type that feels satisfaction out of making everyone else miserable all while claiming to be the victim”
is it bad that im on your friends side? lol you did take her boyfriend and it seems youre just trying to convince yourself that you had the right, which you didnt. well thats off topic, anyway…wait no, its not. if the reader doesnt agree with you, you lost the main purpose. You lost the readers interest.
And this piece was really unorganized, although i did like the little quotes you had but it just took me out of the piece, and was just a distraction and made the story lack any flow. And im not sure what this piece is about. Is isnt a love story, maybe its a story of how you lost your friend? i didnt have much on any topic for me to gain something after reading it.
The story begins by informing the reader that she won’t bore the reader with details of her friendship, because that wasn’t the point of the story. However, throughout the piece we got little of this little story and more of how it came to be. This worked for the piece, and it was solidified at the end with her statement:
“But like I said, this isn’t about her and how terrible of a person she is, it’s about a love story that to many may seem fucked up, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
This definitely wasn’t your typical love story, and I agree with the narrator that you can’t go through life obsessing over how other people view you. I do believe that if you inserted the details of your friendship, it would have helped the narrator’s credibility- but I’m not sure if the narrator even cares if the reader agrees with her decision or not because she clearly mentions that she doesn’t obsess over the opinions of others.
This piece had a strong narrative voice, and I felt as if I was inside the mind of the character. I was quite curious about her friend and the relationship, because it might add to the bigger picture of the story, but then again I understand why the narrator chose to omit it – because she wanted to tell about the origin of her love story and not the loss of a friendship. I did want to know more about this new relationship. What was intriguing about your new love? Did it last? Was it worth it? These juicy details would have added the meat to burger which you have cleverly prepared….. 🙂
Overall I loved it! Good luck revising!
The name calling in the beginning definitely caught my attention. Names that you might probably have been called by and one that you made up, that was a very nice touch. The parenthetical side notes were nice, but it happened a little too often. I enjoy the conflict that the author has in this piece. You tried to talk about a very special person in your life, but you keep getting distracted with the negative story that goes hand in hand with your not so typical love story.
I liked the story because i kind of read as it being from the ‘villain’s’ perspective, which is always interesting. I thought that this piece would have been better if the reader learned how you overcame the issues of being called a man stealer. i agree with vanessa that the line “It’s about what happens when two people fall in love” is a little deceiving because the story isn’t about that at all, and the title doesn’t fit either. I would like the direction of the piece to go more into how their relationship flourished after everything that happened and how they triumphed in the end because as it is it’s very much just a lengthy bashing of an ex-best friend.
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